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As I watched the casket being lowered down I thought about all the things that had brought us here. In the face of death I took time to reflect on my life and the changes that came from talking to that special woman on April Fools Day so many years ago. I thought about our fight through her drinking, her recovery, her adultery, and her cancer. These and so many things flashed through my mind. I was almost overwhelmed.Cancer.The word is relatively simple. Two syllables. Easy definition. The disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body.The feelings that word can invoke, however, are anything but simple.I stood there holding my sobbing wife. Even when she was being a bitch April had a certain attitude about her that made it seem like she could conquer anything. This broken woman I was holding had none of that spark.“What am I gonna do Bill?” she sobbed.“First you’re going to remember that we’re a team, so it is what are WE gonna do? Second you are. “Daddy, it’s about men. I mean guys” she said. “Ohhhhhh” he came back. “Like what honey? All guys are a little different you know.” “Yeah, I thought so” she replied as she looked up from the floor and at him. “Did you and mommy really love each other?” she asked. “Ohhh yes honey. We did. I loved her and I’m pretty sure she loved me too.” Then the daughter said it. “I want to know a few things about uhhh sex and sexual intercourse, daddy.” That had him immediately reeling. I don’t know anything about that. I mean your mommy always seemed to know how to encourage me somehow. She always knew how to make me uhhh, you know, uhhh get uhhh aroused he told himself. I mean, I don’t know. Girls just seem to know how to do those sorts of things or at least your mom did. “Daddy, can you help me with all that?” the daughter asked. “Uhhh, I don’t know honey” he said as his eyes closed and he looked away from his daughter. He swallowed as he looked at his grown 18 year old daughter. His eyes.
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